SurveyMonkey chief executive officer Dave Goldberg died on May 1. Goldberg, who was 47 and had a reputation for being a nice guy in both an area and an industry where not everyone makes that effort.
Goldberg was more than a tech executive; he was also the husband of Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg, with whom he had two children. For devotees of Sandberg’s leadership bestseller, “Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead,” which counseled women to follow their ambitions, Goldberg represented the other side of that coin — a rare breed of modern-day spouse. To lean in, it’s helpful to have a spouse who prioritizes both partners’ careers equally, and who’s willing to take up the slack at home.
The national debate about working mothers’ success in business and other professions has always centered on anecdotes. Sandberg, as one of the most prominent women in Silicon Valley, at the helm of a high-profile company, makes for a great story about how far a woman can go. Any woman — any person — who aspires to a top-level career can look up to her. That’s why “Lean In” became a runaway phenomenon, sparking debates and spawning a movement to change the conversation around women and leadership by, among other things, banning the word “bossy” to describe assertive girls.
By all accounts, Goldberg became one of Sandberg’s key advantages as she moved from Harvard to increasingly responsible posts at the U.S. Treasury Department, Google and then Facebook, while balancing motherhood. Reports indicate the pair considered both their careers equally when making decisions, which led to two stellar resumes — a classic Power Couple.
Mention this arrangement to a working mother, especially a highly-educated, high-potential woman from the same demographic as Sandberg, and the reaction is usually a rueful “lucky her.”
What helps as a woman is climbing the ladder at work, traveling frequently and staying late at the office — especially once she has children? A supportive, involved spouse. One who not only listens and empathizes, but also leaves the office at 4 p.m. to pick up Junior for soccer, or spends a weekend in a school gym waiting for a child to be done with chess, or lacrosse, or the science fair.
In our mobile sharing economy, an increasing number of to-do items can be outsourced and virtualized, but some things must be done in person. These are the mundane, time-consuming tasks of running a family that virtually always fall to the mother, unless the father is at home full- time (if there are two mothers, typically one takes on these responsibilities).
Behind any mother who’s in charge at work is usually someone who fills this role: a stay-at-home spouse, a trusted nanny, or even a grandparent (see Michelle Obama’s mother, Marian Robinson, who moved into the White House to look after her granddaughters).
The advantage of an equal spouse, one who’s committed to advancing both partners’ careers, is that logistics, business trips and emergencies become the problem of both parents.
The statistics are clear: women are more than half of undergraduates, and at top business schools they make up about a third of MBA students. Getting the most capable of them into positions as responsible as Sandberg’s may take a lot more husbands like the late Dave Goldberg.